Down The Slide Into the Vortex of Nonsense
by kazechyme
Summary: So, here it is: Ford builds a super slide and all nonsense breaks loose. This is an utterly random and OOC story. Venture down the Vortex of Nonsense of you wish, but don't say I didn't warn you.
1. The First Spiral Down Into the Vortex

**Down The Slide… Into the Vortex of Nonsense!**

A/N: This story is completely random, completely AU, and completely OOC. I wrote this before I saw Stargate Atlantis's Intruder (ep. 202) so it's a little outdated. Oh yeah, and if anyone can find the point of this story, kindly email me! So, I warned ya: This story makes no sense and doesn't even try to! It doesn't even bother explaining anything at all! Stop now if you do not wish to be utterly confused or severely harmed.

Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis is not mine! Oh, I can wish, can't I?

* * *

_The First Spiral Down Into The Vortex of Nonsense_

Major John Sheppard waited for his next mission, tapping his foot on the ground impatiently. This was boring! He didn't have to wait this long any other days. What was up with this? I mean, this was good, considering nobody is getting hurt and there are no wraith attacks, but come on, there had better be something fun soon or else… or else, the Major could not think of anything and continued tapping his foot.

"… tap into the quantababble babble babble," McKay said as he stormed into the room. Well, that's what Sheppard heard, not exactly what Rodney had said.

"Major, for the last time, if you want to bug somebody, go to Carson, or even Zelenka, but not me!" he hissed.

"Ouch McKay, bad moon rising, much?" Sheppard said with a feigned hurt expression, "You should ask Weir for some Midol."

Just then, much to Sheppard's bad luck, Weir stepped into the room with her hands on her hips, glowering at him.

"What did you just imply, Major?" she asked, "That I'm grouchy, moody, and prone to breakdowns! Men! They don't understand anything!"

With that little outburst, she exited the room whilst McKay and Sheppard looked at each other with puzzled looks on their faces.

"Let us never mention that again," McKay said, still trying to get his heartbeat to calm down.

"Point taken," Sheppard replied.

Ford jumped into the room with a grin as wide as a mile.

"Guess what?" he said as he chuckled, unable to contain his excitement.

"What's up Ford?" Sheppard said, rising to his feet. Perhaps, he wasn't going to be bored anymore!

"I made a… slide!" Ford shouted as he jumped up and down.

McKay stepped away from Ford, grasping at his heart. The kid was crazy and he needed to get out of harm's way as soon as possible.

"You gotta see it Major! It's… the biggest, smoothest, coolest slide you will ever see!" Ford exclaimed, "And I reserved the first slide for my best commanding officer!"

Sheppard's mind, like Rodney's heart, was going to explode. This was a brilliant idea! The two military men were jumping up and down like a couple of giggling school girls. They dashed out of the room with a reluctant, limping McKay following.

XXXXX

"NOOOOOO!" Ford howled. His scream of anguish echoed throughout the halls of Atlantis.

"What's wrong little buddy?" Sheppard asked.

"Look!" he said as he pointed at his huge slide, starting from the balcony and ending at the water surrounding Atlantis. People were crowded around it and waiting for their turn.

"It's awesome!" Sheppard yelled, "What's the problem?"

"Look!" Ford gasped as he bent down on the ground with his hands on his head.

There was a lone figure standing at the very top of the slide. Sure enough, it was Teyla and she was going to be the first one to break in Ford's Super Slide.

"I wanted you to be the first on it!" Ford sputtered.

Sheppard grinned and patted his friend on the back, "I love it Ford! Who cares who goes on it first!"

Ford stopped rocking back and forth and looked up at the Major, "You really mean it? You're right! Let's go Super Sliding!"

He jumped up and pushed his way through the crowd. Sheppard followed as he dragged a breathless McKay along.

As Teyla was about to sit down and slide, Ford shouted for her to wait.

"Greetings friends! I see you have built this… slide… and I thought it would be great as part of my training," Teyla said.

"Whoa, this slide's so huge that five people can fit on it!" Sheppard said.

"Well," gasped McKay, "That counts me out… I'll just be waiting up here for you guys."

"The more the merrier Major!" Ford said as he hopped up and down.

"I know who needs to have a dose of Super Sliding fun!" Sheppard said mischievously.

The people started to chant 'Super Slide' and waited excitedly to see the flagship team take the plunge.

Sheppard radioed Weir, "Oh Dr. Weir, I think we have a crowd control problem at the balcony. You should get here asap."

Ford and Sheppard exchanged knowing smiles.

After a few minutes, there was someone pushing through the crowd. When the person got closer to the slide, they could hear the familiar scolding voice.

"…excuse me! People, this is not some kind of children's theme park—" Elizabeth Weir stopped dead in her tracks as she gazed at the massive slide in front of her. She didn't know how she could have missed that humongous slide hanging down the side of the city.

"Welcome to the party!" Sheppard and company greeted her.

Well, McKay was motioning for her to run away and to take him with her.

"What the hell is going on?" she screeched.

"We're going on a little trip and you're coming with us," Sheppard said.

Ford and Teyla had grabbed McKay, who was trying to escape. Sheppard grabbed Elizabeth's arm.

"And off we go!" Sheppard shouted as he pushed her down the slide. He followed as Ford and Teyla jumped down with McKay in hand.

The five slid down the Super Slide while loud cheers came from the crowd.

Sheppard's hair was flying all over the place. It was getting messier than usual and his smile was getting wider than normal. Ford was screaming at the top of his lungs. McKay, unfortunately, was belly down with his legs sticking up in the air and his head craning upwards. Teyla's hands were in the air as she joined Ford in screaming. Elizabeth was still trying to hold on to her glower as they went faster and faster down the slide.

"Having fun Liz?" Sheppard hollered.

"I'll kill you," she growled.

"I second that!" McKay yelled.

"Wooohoooo!" Ford screamed.

"Amazing!" Teyla shouted.

The slide seemed to go on forever and forever. Ford stopped screaming, Teyla put her arms down, and even Elizabeth stopped glaring.

"Not to say that this isn't cool Ford," Sheppard said as slid closer to Ford, "But when does it end?"

"According to my calculations," gasped McKay as he tried to rollover, "the slide ended 20 minutes ago."

"You had enough time to calculate all that?" Weir asked.

"As a genius, of course I had to time to calculate that and look, I even had some time to spare," McKay snapped back.

"Do you not think we should call for help?" Teyla asked.

"Of course, but something's wrong," Sheppard said as he tried to radio for help and only got static.

"S-sir…" Ford said.

"What?" Sheppard said as he fiddled with the radio.

"Um… Incoming…" Ford started.

"Wormhole!" McKay shouted.

"What the…" Sheppard looked up and sure enough, there was a shimmering pool of blue light in front of them.

"What do we do?" Ford frantically asked.

"Nothing more we can do," Elizabeth replied and as she pushed the Major down to go ahead of them, yelled, "And off we go!"

* * *

A/N: See? Don't say I didn't warn you! 


	2. The Second Spiral Down Into the Vortex

**Down The Slide… Into the Vortex of Nonsense!**

A/N: This story is completely random, completely AU, and completely OOC. I wrote this before I saw Stargate Atlantis's Intruder (ep. 202) so it's a little outdated. Oh yeah, and if anyone can find the point of this story, kindly email me! So, I warned ya: This story makes no sense and doesn't even try to! It doesn't even bother explaining anything at all! Stop now if you do not wish to be utterly confused or severely harmed. You can still turn back!

Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis is not mine! Oh, I can wish, can't I?

* * *

_The Second Spiral Down Into The Vortex of Nonsense_

_Last time in the Vortex:  
"What the…" Sheppard looked up and sure enough, there was a shimmering pool of blue light in front of them.  
"What do we do?" Ford frantically asked.  
"Nothing more we can do," Elizabeth replied and as she pushed the Major down to go ahead of them, yelled, "And off we go!"_

They tumbled out of the wormhole at full speed and hit the ground.

"Ow…" Sheppard groaned as he sat up.

"Ditto," McKay said as he rolled over on his back. His stomach had some major slide burns.

"Where are we?" Teyla said as she stood up and looked around at the forest-like terrain.

"Not sure," Dr. Weir said as she rubbed her head, "Where's Lieutenant Ford?"

They looked left and right but couldn't find him until they heard a familiar hollering coming from above them.

"Woohoo! Let's do that again!" Ford shouted.

He was stuck on the branches of a tall tree that resembled a redwood.

"Aiden Ford, you come down here this instant!" Weir shouted, sounding very much like a disgruntled mother.

"Wow, I can see everything from up here! Even my house!" Ford said eagerly.

The other four dashed to the base of the tree and looked up at Ford who was scanning the horizon.

"That's weird, there's no sign of the gate that we came from and Ford can see his house," Sheppard said.

"Oh no," McKay stuttered as he plopped down on the ground.

"What? You know what's happening? Tell us Rodney," Elizabeth demanded.

McKay slowly nodded, "We're dead!"

Sheppard slapped Mckay on the head, "If we were dead, you wouldn't have felt that."

McKay pouted, "You never know… I could have still felt that if we were on the same level of existence…"

"Oho! I think I see Cheyenne Mountain!" Ford hollered down at them.

"Wait a sec, why is your house near the SGC?" Elizabeth questioned.

"I am going up there," Teyla said as she began to climb the tree with amazing agility.

She was up where Ford was in ten seconds flat.

"That girl sure can shimmy," Sheppard said as he ran a hand through his hair.

Weir glared at him, "I believe it's called "shinning" up a tree and not "shimmy-ing"."

"I can see… my own village!" Teyla exclaimed.

"Don't you see? We _are_ dead! Why would everything we know be in the same place?" McKay whimpered as he curled up into a ball.

"Alright, time for the leader to take charge!" Sheppard said as he stood up tall and struck the 'almighty-leader' pose.

He stood like that for a couple of minutes before Weir cleared her throat and pushed him out of the way.

"I agree and since I'm the leader, I'll take charge!"

"No, I'm the leader!"

"No, I am!" she growled.

"Out here, I'm the leader! Back in the city, you're the 'leader'!" Sheppard put finger quotes on the second leader he said.

McKay popped up and put himself between the two.

"We're in the underworld now kids!" McKay said maniacally, "And down here, I'm the big bad leader!"

Teyla, Ford, Weir, and Sheppard looked at him in shock. Suddenly, they all broke out in laughter as McKay looked at all of them incredulously.

"B-big b-bad leader!" Ford burst out.

"Underworld! C'mon McKay, you can do better than that!" Sheppard howled in laughter as he smacked the scientist on the back.

After they had their big laugh, Elizabeth took charge and assigned them their tasks. Ford and Teyla would remain lookout from the top of the trees. McKay would remain on the ground, or as he put it, the 'underworld', and do calculations on the dirt to keep his sanity. They handed him a blunt twig so that he could draw out the numbers on the dirt. Sheppard was to remain with McKay while Elizabeth went to explore.

"Why can't I go explore and you stay here with Mad McKay?"

"Because… you're good at math and you should double check his work! Besides, I never get to go exploring and that's what I came here to do. So you're gonna listen to me, bucko, or else I'll tell Mad McKay here that you're the devil in disguise and he'll be at your heels for the rest of your life!"

Sheppard backed down and sat by McKay who was just starting Pascal's triangle on the ground.

"I'll see you all later!" Weir said happily as she skipped away into the forest.

"Was that weird or what?" Sheppard muttered.

"According to my accurate calculations, our storylines are now going to diverge and split up," McKay said as he dotted his 'I's.

XXXXX

Elizabeth Weir had stopped skipping about a mile or so back and decided to just sit down on a nearby log and lay down.

"Oi… I think I should have just let John do the exploring. Oh well, anything to get away from Mad McKay…" she mumbled.

As she was about to stand up, she noticed a shadow coming toward her. She tilted her head and slowly followed the shadow to its owner.

"Long time no see Elizabeth."

XXXXX

"Go away!" McKay shouted suddenly causing Sheppard to jump awake.

"What the hell McKay!"

"Elizabeth… in danger," McKay rabidly said.

Sheppard stood up and started pacing, "Whaddya mean danger? Talk to me!"

McKay just sat scribbling in the dirt with his twig that was soon starting to get blunter and blunter. Feeling fed up with him, Sheppard grabbed the twig, broke it in half, and tossed it in the woods.

"Hey, tell me where Elizabeth is," Sheppard said calmly.

McKay pouted for a second and then smiled, "McKay'll show you. Come, come! Yesss."

Sheppard looked reluctant to follow this new primal McKay who kind of resembled Gollum, but he had no choice.

"You two up there! I'm going to look for—"

"We know! We heard you from up here! Go and find her! We'll be on look out!" Ford shouted.

With McKay as his guide, Sheppard dashed, crawled, jumped over streams, and leapt over cracks in the Earth until he found Dr. Weir's jacket, ripped and torn as if a large beast had clawed through it.

"This is not good," he said.

McKay growled suddenly. A shadow had descended on both of them. Sheppard turned around and gasped. McKay started to whimper.

"Well, if it isn't…" the voice paused and looked down at some papers, "Rodney McKay and his lapdog Major John Sheppard."

"Hey, I'm John Sheppard and he's the lapdog," Sheppard said, pointing at McKay, who was on all fours.

"Fine. Either way, you're both going to the same place."

XXXXX

Ford was happily looking to and fro from the top of the tree. Teyla managed to spot some things here and there.

"Do you think they are in danger?" Teyla finally asked.

"Hey, I should build a new slide… a water slide! That would be so awesome," Ford said triumphantly.

Teyla sighed and knew that she would have to do everything herself. Grabbing Ford by the collar, she threw him down the tree and she gracefully climbed down.

Ford sat up right away, "Teyla! Give me a warning at least!"

"Let us find the rest of the team."

"Fine… but I get to lead!" Ford said as he bounded off into the forest.

Teyla picked up two large sticks, weighed them in her hands and decided that they were sufficient. She followed Ford into the forest but immediately bumped into him because he was standing as still as a statue.

"T-Teyla, I think I wanna go back to the tree now."

"What could possibly be the matter? Oh… I see…" Teyla said as she dropped her sticks.

The shadow approached them, "Hello Lieutenant Aiden Ford. Hello Teyla Emug… Emeg… Ahem… Teyla."

Teyla glared at him for not greeting her first. That was most impolite in her culture. With lightning speed, she grabbed her sticks again and charged at the figure. With one swift movement, Teyla was pinned on the ground. Ford tried his Super Kick but was soon pinned to the ground as well.

XXXXX

Sheppard slowly opened his eyes and then shut them again. The bright sun was not helping them out at all. He was tied up to a wooden post and to his left, Rodney was tied as well.

"Damn it," he uttered.

"Hey Major!" Ford shouted.

Sheppard opened his eyes again and looked in front of him. About 5 yards away, tied up to a post was Ford and next to him, in the same predicament, was Teyla.

"What the hell are you two doing here? You're supposed to be on lookout!" Sheppard shouted back.

"Well, we came to save you, sir!" Ford answered.

"Let me be the first to say that you're doing a great job," Sheppard said.

They heard a rustling in the bushes and turned their attention toward it. A head was bobbing up and down and out from the bushes rolled… Dr. Elizabeth Weir!

She straightened herself up, fixed her hair and looked around. There on the four posts was her flagship team.

"Elizabeth! What're you doing?" Sheppard shouted.

"Me? I'm here to save you guys," she said as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.

"What? But McKay and I were supposed to save you," he replied.

"Great job you're doing of it," she said with a chuckle.

"Hey, that's what the Major said to us!" Ford said. "Wake up Teyla!"

Teyla jolted awake, "Oh, hello Dr. Weir!"

They nodded at each other with a smile. McKay also woke up and started to howl and scream. Sheppard tried calming him down by kicking him, but it was no use. He kept making a raucous.

"Rodney, shut up!" Weir shouted.

With that, he instantly stopped and whimpered as he tried to chew off his bonds. A soft clapping came from out of nowhere. All five pairs of eyes looked toward the clapping.

"Oh my, how I missed that commanding voice," the figure said as he stepped toward Dr. Weir.

"Simon, let them go now and I swear, I will not hurt you," she said icily.

"Come now Elizabeth, how can you hurt me more than you've already have?" Simon said with his arms out, ready for an embrace.

Elizabeth cracked her knuckles, "I'm giving you to the count of three."

Simon's arms collapsed to his side and in the most annoying voice possible, began to whine, "But Lizzy, I was so ready to win you back. You can't do this to me now."

"Always whining! That was just one of the reasons I left you! You're lucky you just got a video tape and not the real thing," she snapped as she flexed her fingers, showing off her talon like nails.

"Wow, she's scary when she's pissed," Sheppard said.

"You should know Major," Ford shouted in response.

"Do not draw her attention this way. We may be in danger of her wrath," Teyla whispered and Ford nodded while pursing his lips shut.

Elizabeth was now looming over the cowering Simon as he begged for mercy.

"Please, not this again. I'll set them free. I'll get you out of here, just please not that!"

"Go do it," she hissed.

Simon whipped out his knife and started to cut the ropes off of everyone. Sheppard and McKay were free and Ford and Teyla soon followed.

McKay whimpered again. Elizabeth slowly turned around. There was a certain fiery, dangerous light in her eyes. It was even scarier than the glow of a Goa'uld eye.

"Get off the ground," she growled, a new power raged in her voice, "Rodney, I said get up."

McKay stood up and dusted himself off, "Y-yeah, I was just… ahem…"

"Now, get us off this stinkin' planet," Elizabeth demanded.

Simon reached into his pocket and fumbled with a remote control device. He pushed in a few buttons and blanched when he looked up at Elizabeth.

"It's not working," Simon said, "I guess we're all stuck together."

* * *

A/N: Still here? Wow, I have to applaud you! Why's Simon there? I have no idea! Thanks for sticking with it! 


	3. The Third Spiral Down Into the Vortex

**Down The Slide… Into the Vortex of Nonsense!**

A/N: This story is completely random, completely AU, and completely OOC. I wrote this before I saw Stargate Atlantis's Intruder (ep. 202) so it's a little outdated. Oh yeah, and if anyone can find the point of this story, kindly email me! So, I warned ya: This story makes no sense and doesn't even try to! It doesn't even bother explaining anything at all! Stop now if you do not wish to be utterly confused or severely harmed. You can still turn back! Look, count five seconds before you read further… Still wanna read this? Okie dokie…

Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis is not mine! Oh, I can wish, can't I?

* * *

_The Third Spiral Down Into The Vortex of Nonsense_

_Last time in the Vortex:  
"Now, get us off this stinkin' planet," Elizabeth demanded.  
Simon reached into his pocket and fumbled with a remote control device. He pushed in a few buttons and blanched when he looked up at Elizabeth.  
"It's not working," Simon said, "I guess we're all stuck together."_

If someone were to be sitting at the top of the tallest tree, they would have seen the most brilliant explosion in the middle of the forest. Also, they would have seen the most beautiful butterfly in the history of the universe… but that's beside the point. Right now, one Dr. Elizabeth Weir was extremely furious.

"What did the vomitus mass of coward say?" she shouted.

"Haha… just kidding dear," Simon said, "But for now, you're all stuck together."

With that he dashed away while pressing a few buttons on the remote control device and disappeared into the forest.

Four pairs of eyes were trying to look anywhere but at the angry woman.

"Let's go," she said between gritted teeth.

"Follow the leader!" Sheppard said, trying to lighten the mood.

The five walked through the forest without a single word and finally managed to get to the edge of the forest, which was quite surprising considering they weren't even looking for a way out of the forest. They had just been following Elizabeth and trying not to get snapped at. Besides, if they hung around the most dangerous creature in the woods, they were bound to be safe.

"What's that smell?" Weir asked.

"It's… it's food! We're saved!" McKay said as he kneeled down on the ground and raised his hands in the air, "We're saved!"

"That's not just any food. Oh no, that's good ol' Grandmama's cooking!" Ford exclaimed as he took a good whiff of the air.

"There is a cottage over there," Teyla pointed out.

"That's my Grandma's and Grandpa's house!" Ford exclaimed once again and dashed off toward it.

"Well, at least we'll get to eat before we die, right?" McKay said as they followed Ford.

They finally reached the house and saw an apple pie cooling on the window sill. Ford knocked on the door. He straightened his hat and his gear while wearing one of the brightest smiles they've ever seen.

The door opened and there was an old lady holding a tray of cookies.

"Oh my… is that my little Addy?" she asked, squinting her eyes.

"That's right Granny! It's little Addy!"

The Grandmother threw the cookies in McKay's greedy hands and hugged Ford.

"These are some of my friends," Ford said.

"Sure, come on in," she said with a grin like Ford's.

Ford was still hugging his Grandma, like he would never leave her again. McKay was already stuffing his mouth with the delicious chocolate chip cookies and dashed into the house, knowing full well that there would be more sweets to devour. Teyla, Sheppard, and Weir stepped into the house graciously and looked around. It was a quaint little house, but it was much better than they were used to in the past few hours.

"Who's that?" said a voice from the stairs.

They all looked up and sure enough, a tall old man stepped down the stairs and glared at them. He continued down the stairs and finally stopped at Ford. He stared down at the young lieutenant.

"What are you doing in my house?" he said in a deep, terrifying voice.

"Sir, I've come to visit the best grandparents in the world," Ford said with a smile.

The tall old man grinned back and gave his grandson a huge hug.

"I knew you'd come back someday Aiden!"

"Of course, I would! Now, can we eat?"

The five sat around the dinner table while Ford's grandparents served them. Everything was extremely scrumptious looking and no one hesitated to dig in.

Meanwhile, the two grandparents sat in the corner, smiling at the sight before them. They had waited for this day and it had finally come. It was time for the elders to shine again!

XXXXX

"Okay, so who wants some pie?" Granny Ford said.

"We do!" they all raised their hands like a bunch of school children.

"Give it to 'em," she responded in a gruff voice.

From out of nowhere sprung five pies, right into the faces of each Atlantis member. Granny and Grampa Ford were doubled over in laughter.

"You young 'uns are too slow!" bellowed Grampa Ford.

"Here, take these towels and get going," Granny Ford said as she handed each a towel and kicked them out of the house.

"We'll miss you Addy! But, you need to get back," Grampa Ford yelled.

Sheppard, Weir, McKay, Teyla, and Ford looked at each other and shrugged. Sometimes, old people were hard to figure out. With that, Weir led the way again and they crossed hill after hill and soon McKay would go up a hill just to roll down the other side.

"I'm gonna die…" McKay would yell as he rolled down the hill.

Soon, Ford joined him and they were rolling down hill after hill. Sheppard and Teyla decided to take part since, well, there was nothing better to do. Dr. Weir was pretty much holding her own until she tripped on a broken twig that seemed to come from out of nowhere. She got up off the ground and looked at the snapped pieces of twig.

"Who in their right mind would leave this out in the middle of nowhere?" she screamed.

She was at the top of the hill while the others had reached the bottom. Sheppard and McKay looked up at her.

"Don't those twigs look familiar?" Sheppard asked his friend.

"Indeed, they do. Hope I get to use it again," McKay replied as he prepared to go up another hill.

The five finally reached the last hill and plopped down on the top of it. The roller-downers decided to take a breather before going down their last hill. Besides, they had to start picking out the grass in their hair. Elizabeth took out, from her back pocket, the broken twig that she tripped over.

"I bet you this has something to do with everything," she said as she gazed at the splintered twig pieces.

"What if we're supposed to make fire with it?" Ford said as flapped his hat around.

"Can they be transformed into a device of some sort?" Teyla suggested.

"Brilliant idea Teyla. For that, you're promoted to second in command," Dr. Weir said.

Sheppard hopped up from the ground and pointed sternly at Elizabeth, "Hold on there missy! You can't possibly think I'm gonna settle for third in command when I'm the commanding officer around here!"

"Of course not," she said, "Obviously, you're fourth in command."

"What! Who's above me then?"

Weir pointed her twig randomly at McKay, "He is."

"Fine, but just as long as I get to order around Ford," Sheppard said as he plopped down on the ground, folded his arms, and pouted.

"Alright, time to embark on our journey again!" Elizabeth barked.

As they readied to roll down the hill, yes, even Elizabeth, McKay shouted out in warning.

"Hold on! I'm so brilliant that I amaze myself! Give me the twigs Elizabeth!"

She sighed and handed the twigs to him. He rubbed them together and started pressing on them, like there were invisible buttons on them.

"What the hell are you doing?" Sheppard said, who was getting impatient and really wanted to roll down the hill.

"I remember that I stored my equations on this twig but somebody had to break them and toss them away before I could complete the rest of the formula. Great, now I have to restore everything. Good thing I made a back up copy," he said as he took a leaf out of his pocket.

"That's amazing McKay," Ford said, who was hovering around the scientist.

McKay, with a triumphant look on his face, held up the repaired twig, tied together by the leaf from his pocket.

"It's done! With a swish of my wrist, we should be able to go back home!"

"Soooo, it's like a magic wand?" Ford said.

"Erm… I guess, unscientifically speaking, yes."

"Cool! Can I try it?"

"Not after I do. I made it after all."

McKay made a gesture with the makeshift wand. The hill began to rumble and shake. The five had to grab on to each to keep stable. A mist enveloped them and then disappeared. After the rumbling died down, each of them opened their eyes.

"Are we back?" Sheppard said cautiously.

"See for yourself," Elizabeth said, as she gazed down the hill they were on.

"What! We're still on the hill but this time it's way taller!" Sheppard said hysterically.

McKay patted himself on the back because he thought he deserved it. He also thought he deserved a raise, a new house, his old cat, recognition all over the world for being the greatest scientist who has ever graced the face of the universe, and of course, a nice piece of cake for all his efforts.

"Don't you see you morons! It's just like the slide! All we have to do is roll down this hill and back to Atlantis we go!" McKay said as he put away his trusty wand twig.

"I see your point, but I wish to see my old village," Teyla said.

"And I want to see the SGC," Sheppard complained.

"No, no!" Elizabeth shouted, "I want to get away from here so I don't have to run into that sniveling Simon!"

"Hey look, Granny gave me a batch of cookies," Ford said as he pulled out a bag of cookies from his backpack. "Yeah, she's awesome!"

McKay made a grab for it, but Ford pulled them away just in time. However, losing his balance, McKay fell down the hill, belly down first.

"I guess that's three votes to two!" Elizabeth said, "And don't worry Teyla, you can see your people on the mainland when we get back."

"I almost forgot about them! Thank you for reminding me Dr. Weir!" Teyla said and rolled down the hill.

"Me next!" Ford shouted in glee as he followed Teyla.

"I really wanted to thank General O'neill!" Sheppard whined.

Elizabeth glared at him. She was about to explode again like the time Simon started to whine. Sheppard quickly put on his most charming smile and waved at her as he jumped down the hill.

Elizabeth sighed and looked around the hill. She closed her eyes and tried to suppress a scream.

"Those idiots!" she seethed, "They rolled down the wrong side!"

* * *

A/N: Is that the end you exclaim? Well, I wanted to stop punishing you guys! Besides, the Vortex of Nonsense has come to a complete stop because frankly, the gas prices are too high. So, you made it to the end… I congratulate you! 


End file.
